Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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