I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
