Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
