You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
