nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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