I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
