she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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