singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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