I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
false alarm. still invincible.
In America we eat man semen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
