Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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