If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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