What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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