U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
