why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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