So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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