but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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