i love accidental penises.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize