Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
