I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
