I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
