About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
