8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
