My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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