Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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