If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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