Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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