my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
