it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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