i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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