Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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