I hate your face
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
