Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
