WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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