I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
