ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
