For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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