Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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