it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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