the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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