All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
