The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize