i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
