mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
