Whod you bang
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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