I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
