everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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