But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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