So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
