I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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