Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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