dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
