Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
