So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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