So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
