why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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