also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
