remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
