One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
