When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
