Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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