They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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