Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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