New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
