Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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