Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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