This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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