I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
