and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
