She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
