I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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