Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
