you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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