I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
