based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
