cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
