you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
