I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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