Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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