I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
