I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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